The first of the Four Noble Truths of Buddhism is that life is “dukkha.” Roughly translated, that means life is “suffering.” If that is indeed truth, and I believe it is, do we just give up now, because we are doomed to suffer? No, no, no! We welcome the suffering, because suffering means learning. Suffering means recognizing the goodness and the joy because we know what their absence feels like. Suffering means we have the opportunity to face adversity and come out the other side, more resilient and feeling good.

Guess what the research reveals about adversity and resilience? You guessed it! Research supports the idea that some amount of adversity and suffering makes us happier, stronger, more resilient, better able to face future adversity with positive coping skills, and actually physically able to handle pain better. A study by Seery et al (University at Buffalo) in 2011 revealed moderate adversity across a lifetime to be associated with well-being and resilience. Just a little bit of adversity: not good! Too much adversity for too long: not good! A moderate amount of adversity across a lifetime:  really good!

Now, let’s think about this. If adversity is good because it requires us to face our problems head on, become resilient, feel mastery over bad circumstances, etc., does that mean we should seek out adversity? Should we go asking for bad things to happen in our lives so that we can get a good workout? Uh, no. Don’t do that! Bad things feel bad, sometimes end up changing things permanently for the bad, and sometimes really just screw things up. Please believe me when I say that there will be enough challenges and adversity in your every day WITHOUT seeking them out! The trick is to realize, really understand, that every day of your life will include some kind of crap. Every day. Because life is dukkha! But, oh my goodness, that daily suffering is your friend, because you know what to do with it! You work through it! You understand that it’s just a thing, a thing you have the muscles and the perspective to deal with. You look forward to the good, you feel gratitude for the many many wonderful things in your life. You don’t make a big deal of the suffering, because you accept that it will be there, and that you will know what to do, and that afterward you will be enjoying the feeling that you faced a problem like a badass, and now you can relax and drink a delicious smoothie and laugh with your loved ones. Look for the silver lining, always.

peace and love,

mom